Rant No.7 Expecting The Attacks

 I went to a family get together recently. When I’m around a lot of people my anxiety is a little high. But I just wanted to describe what I experience when I have a bad panic attack. Here we go.

 My mind jumps into the pit of anxiety and I can’t get out. Seeing everybody doesn’t drive me to a panic attack. It is the multiple conversations going on, people asking questions , arguing, laughing, crying, all the commotion releases the feeling bubbling up in your chest until it crashes through your body like a huge wave. Anxiety washes over you. Fighting it hurts so you just give in and let it run its course. A brain overload.

Things start to get tossed around in my brain until it makes no sense.  Words coming out are like tounge twisters. They don’t make complete sentences they are just random words. 

The feeling I can’t breathe. The feeling that I’m  trapped in a dark, humid room and there is no way out. Feeling like Im being closed in, surrounded. My heart beat is thunderous, filling my chest with echoes. My bones start to ache, my vision become hazy. Ringing becomes loud in my ears making my head feel like it’s going to explode. By this point I’m in tears. 

My panic attacks vary. And I’m glad they aren’t all like this, but I just can’t shake them. I’m always expecting them even if I don’t have one. Just in case, I will be somewhat prepared. Panic attacks are unpredictable.  

Just another Unfortunate Pain In My… 

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