I am sitting here contemplating on what to do. I am so confused, so tired, hurting and yet I am trying to gather my words on how I feel. I guess I will take an order of depressed with a side of anxiety.
My anxiety flares up and I get depressed. I get depressed about anything and I have a anxiety attack. I’m in a lose- lose situation.
I live with my parents and my brother, which is a good thing because I don’t know what I would do without them.
I do spend a lot of time alone because honestly I am really not much of a people person, they stress me out. However I don’t spend all my time alone. Now you say but you are 21, don’t you want to move out, have your own space. Ha, honestly I wouldn’t even make it off the runway. To be entirely honest I am okay with everything the way it is right now.
Yes I’m 21 and yes I barely have a job, but I have lots of issues that require my full attention 24/7, 365. So me living on my own would be a disaster.
My depression usually kicks in around 10 or so and then have a breif panic situation around 2-ish. Now listen, not everyday is like this. I do have good days, but that is when my chronic aches and pains, depression and anxiety along with everything else makes no apperance making good days.
“Isn’t there meds you can take to help?” The answer is yes, but they work only at a certain level, once it passes that level it doesn’t work any more. For example my meds can only work at level 5, but my depression got promoted to level 6. Which means my level 5 medication cannot take care of level 6 depression. AKA you’re on your own.
Dealing with depression and anxeity is like having a mosquito buzzing around your ear for days nonstop. It is ANNOYING. In a sense though it has become part of me. I try to stay positive and strong but it is hard. Every so often that dark thought of “should I trudge on” or “should I give up right now.”
I am grateful for those who are in my life. I’m lucky my depression and anxeity is sorta manageable. There are people that can’t manage it at all.